Monday, December 31, 2012

A King Fisher & The Father

Recently, a couple of events have struck me as having deeper, metaphorical and spiritual meaning.  It was as though I was chosen to undergo these experiences so that I might learn something more of the Father’s character.  Here I will describe one of those events, this one in relation to a King Fisher….

Returning from my weekly (albeit loathly) trip to the grocery store in my car, I spotted a bird perched in the middle of the road.  Being an animal lover (or perhaps just a half-decent person), I slowed down to allow him time to fly off to the bush area to the left of the road.  I assumed he had his home somewhere in the greenery of the cemetery that sprawled across some acres on the opposite side of the road to my flat.   Having climbed further up the deep incline of the road now, I glanced in my rear view mirror to confirm his get-away was successful: it wasn’t, he hadn’t moved at all.

I quickly pulled into my usual parking spot on the bank in front of the flat, and then ran back down before any other vehicles approached.  As I walked up to him, it struck me odd that no one had come along or even that I was lucky enough to find him now, still intact seemingly; what if I’d bought one more item at the store?  I could have been too late.

As I meet him in the middle of the road, I could tell that at the very least he’d been stunned by a vehicle, hence his lack of trying to get away.  I gave him a little nudge in the rear with the edge of my jandal, still he made no attempt to flee.  That is when I noticed the blood.  Still no vehicles entered the scene; the bird and I were very much alone, and his only hope of getting through this was by my intervention (call me Bird-Rescue Lady if you will, my closest friends can testify this was not my first rescue for a feathered friend).

It struck me some hours later that God is like this for us, in our times of need.  He sees our accidents, our falls, our being struck down from time to time in the journey that is life and he seeks to be there right by our side during these difficult times.  For me, there have been times in my life when I’ve felt like I was unable to cope with the problem at hand, and no matter how many people I confide in and share with, the heaviness of the situation still encompasses me.  During a wave of overwhelming emotion, I’d fess all to God in a rather blunt and ineloquent manner.  God, being of His define character, doesn’t stomp up to us post-confession, grab us by the arm and declare “Excuse my interruption, but you’re coming with me”.  Nor does he deliver us immediately from all our troubles, disavowing the time-consuming healing process.  No, like my prompting of the small bird on the road, He gently nudges us in the right direction, and then waits.

I wonder too if God looks down on us, like I did with the bird, and admires His creation.  The adornment of this simple creature was remarkable, with a chest of white against a bright bluey-green colouring on his back and wings, like the many shades visible on the ocean surface, and completed with a pointedly sharp black beak.  He is King Fisher, alike to his own kin, as we are to each of our races.  The number of different species of birds in this world is extensive, each with their own common colours, sizes, markings and tendencies.  God, in spite of His own greatness and bigness, must have spent considerable energy designing each of these unique bird species, as small and as infrequently appreciated as they are.  It is overwhelming just to consider that this is but one type of animal on this earth.  How much work too must God have spent working on man, made in his own image, some similar in colour, features and size to others, but each unique in soul and spirit?  Perhaps from time to time He looks down on us, from a great height, and recalls his reasons and hopes for making each of us.
 


You’ve got my good side, so admit it – I am quite something.

 
 

*Illustration may not necessarily reflect one of God’s personal designs
 

 
As I headed inside, injured bird wrapped in cloth in one hand, I reached for an empty cardboard box stashed in my room and gently placed him in it. All the time, I felt a sense of urgency, like I was on a personal mission to help the bird, to save him from the injuries of his accident, that he might be restored to his former glory. Truth be told, even though I had no former connection with this creature, I cared for his outcome. I had stood over him and glared down on him but once, my mind flickering to thoughts of his beauty as mentioned earlier, and in half a second imagined what he was missing: his home, perhaps with others of his kind, in a lush tree and surrounding nature, all providing him with needs met to live a good life. Comparatively, God is more than this to us. He knitted us together in the womb, He watches us grow, both physically, relationally and spiritually in Him. He knows when we are awake, he knows when we sleep, and He knows where we belong - be it temporarily- in this world. My caring for the bird has nothing of God’s caring for us.
 


Alright, the connection isn’t impossible, but only in 3D-animation is it likely..

 
Again returning to my earlier suspicion that I had been chosen to help this bird, I knew exactly what the protocol was to get him the help he needed beyond what my hands could provide.  Reaching for my mobile phone, I scrolled through my list of contacts looking for a contact I’d labelled ‘Bird Rehabilitation Centre’.  A few months earlier, when my phone was temporarily playing up, I’d scrolled through each of the individually entered contacts deleting those who I no longer required.  I vividly remembered contemplating for a moment whether or not to keep the Bird Rehabilitation Centre’s number on my phone; it wouldn’t have been hard to retrieve off the internet after all.  Now I was glad I’d kept the number on there – again, it was although it was more than coincidence.

This too draws parallels to us in our times of need.  God can place specific people with specific resources, knowledge or words around us in our times of trial.  Sometimes those people are merely stepping stones, as they seek to join us with others who can do more to help in our particular circumstances.  Yet each person is necessary and relevant in this chain of connections that helps us during our time of need.



God will give us resources and means to help others, if we are willing.
 

 
Phoning the Bird Lady was a bit like phoning for an ambulance.  I had wondered what I would do if she wasn’t home, or if no one answered.  But she picked up within a couple of rings and quickly dispensed the information I needed for getting to her house.  It was a fair drive, half an hour at least, half of which was along deserted country roads to where she resided out in what I term “the sticks”, as beautiful as it is (look, some of those areas are not yet broad-band enabled, I rest my case).  Part of me thought the bird wouldn’t make it.  As I lay him down in the box, he’d rolled on to his back, with his legs in the air and I’d thought for a moment that he was gone.  On closer inspection, his chest was still rising and falling, so I continued  closing up the box, leaving a small enough space for air to get in, but not enough to assist in any possible escape tactics.

By the time I pulled in to the country property, he’d begun to perk up a little.  He sat in a normal perch-like position in the box now, and seemed notably content, as though he gaged my intervention as no threat at all and fully trusted me to take care of him.  I was rescuer, utilising my accelerator and driving skills, checking the road map periodically; his role was simply to sit and wait to arrive at the required destination.  Perhaps we could learn something from this little bird in terms of trust; let go and let God is all very well in theory, but to actually sit there serenely and know for sure all will be taken care of is a different matter.

Like anyone who has journeyed through the healing process, time was required in order for the King Fisher to be fully restored.  With one wing slightly torn away, he was limited in what he would be able to do for a while.  With each day, those who are scathed, physically or emotionally, begin to regain strength and skills needed to survive in this world we live in.  Like the King Fisher though, we often need the assistance of others around us, that we might utilise their intervention to better equip us on our journey.  The Lord can place others in our paths to help with a specific struggle, or a particular season, because, like even the humble King Fisher, each of us needs help from time to time.  No one is destined to be an island; no one is destined to always go it alone.

-Wendie

Matthew 10:29; NIV
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows”.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Flavours of Entanglement

Introspection: noun: observation or examination of one's own mental and emotional state, mental processes, etc.; the act of looking within oneself (Dictionary.com).

Out on my run today, I once again found myself conscious of my thinking pattern.  Whether it’s the fresh air, or a change of pace, I often find my mind flicking to a different angel where insights are more meaningful and ideas are more amplified.  I came to think about my faith during this run; it is no news to me that my faith isn’t straight up, black and white, formed from a cookie-cutter of all other God-fearing men.  And perhaps that is how it should be, we are, after all, unique not just in makeup but in our own experiences in life and journey with God. 

My mind, as I see it, is made up of many different facets, each inter-linking and overlapping, each, in my opinion, responsible for making me who I fundamentally am.   But it’s not that simple.  Not all aspects are complimentary, derived from similar foundations or beliefs.  In short, some things are more healthy and fruitful than others, yet each serves a purpose in shaping me. 

As a person, I am not fully captured by one single school of thought in my cognitions.  I came to thinking on my run that my thinking is mixed and eclectic, a piece of something from one influence, and something else from another.  Much like my range of friends, my changing hair colour over the years, my flavours in music and career paths past and present, I take a number of things on-board and as they fuse together they shape me.  Like all complex creatures, I resonate with many feelings and convictions.  The overlapping, however, does not stand as united in the world’s eyes (I took up my cross), nor does it stand as a mirrored reflection of Godliness (I took up music that does not glorify Him).

Let me explain…
My taste in music is broken into three categories: Firstly, I have my infinite love of old music, products of the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s.  I’ve defended this taste by proclaiming the lyrics to be more wholesome, yet reflective of everyday life.  It doesn’t destroy one’s inner peace with highly sexualised connotations common to modern day numbers.  The beat is different, the feel is different, and the verses stand as a testament to idealisms and social practices in an era gone by, and, at times, I often wish I’d been part of that era (particularly in light of the popular artists and dancing).  The lyrics portray vivid emotions (I learnt the Truth at 17, Janice Ian), and convey simple (and seemingly idyllic) stories (Bus Stop, The Hollies).  Compare the latter track with Umbrella by Rihanna and you’ll see how what could have been a simple, contented melody takes on a whole other persona…

Second in my music categories, in an entirely different tangent, I feel an attraction towards another type of music; this much closer to present day.  Some artists were born lyrically into my world during my teens, years crucial to bridging the gap between adulthood and childhood.  I didn’t just dance to the beat, or follow the crowd, I listened and interpreted and remembered words.  Some artists I left well behind, others I’ve brought albums from which I carry with me to this day.  And since those days of young, I’ve found a good deal of truth in the opinions that were expressed.  The church, with its doctrine of prosperity, isn’t always life in reality.  In fact, for me personally, it isn’t often life in reality.  Praying through the years has seen me bathed in massive disappointments in a number of areas when the prayers did not work in my favour.  The well-intentioned church leader would propose that God knows what is best for us, that his thinking is not bound to human limitations.  This may well be, but that doesn’t always mean God’s will for situations and circumstances is what comes to pass each and every time.  Particularly when it involves other people.  It eludes me sometimes that things ever flow smoothly from God’s perfect plan, the world is so fallen.

So it is that I came to feel an emotional association with certain secular artists and their reflections offered through lyrics.  I didn’t jump on board with this flavour as a slight toward God for either unfulfilled dreams or lack of emotional protection toward me as a person.  It was more like a natural compulsion to let my inner turmoil’s be recognised by someone who seemed to know exactly what I was feeling.  It’s a connection, in a sense, that stands outside of that with the maker.  The word idolatry comes to mind, and while I can’t deny there isn’t a framing of the sort the interest ends at the end of the track.  I have no inclination to follow these singers on twitter, or read of their private lives online.  My connection could be said to be more tied with their choice of words than the person who delivers them.

At times, in an effort to aid my spiritual growth, I’ve decided to banish such music.  I’ve been out and brought God-focused music, the likes of Ann-Maree Keefe and Third Day, for example.  This substitution has alleviated a little of the need for the world-focused, person-dependant alternative, but it hasn’t replaced it entirely.  The depictions are not quite apt enough (though Keefe’s Wednesday’s Child comes close), the rawness of soul and the frank, brutality that is cited in the song’s climactic point has been replaced with phrases like “yet I will praise the Lord from this deep, dark hole”.  This could well be why in times of struggle I turn to Ecclesiastes, rather than Psalms of David that declare His greatness as a means to soothe the inner turmoil.  Ecclesiastes holds much in the way of realism, and if I am more melancholic than jovial it’s little wonder that “There is a time for everything…  A time to dance, and a time to mourn, a time to embrace and a time to refrain” excreta rings true to me.

But back to the banishing.  My intentions were good, but I never went with both feet in.  I emptied my car glove box of all music that was not made with the intent of drawing man closer to God and left a collection of Chriss-o alternatives in its wake.  I didn’t, I must mention, go so far as to throw away my compact discs.  Like the memories of the songs in the background of my mind, they simply remained further out of hand, but were never completely gone given their continued stay in my possession.  Inevitably though something would happen, something usually being in the form of a disappointment that reset my mood to low and my mind would no longer take the happy-side up compositions that make up so many of the Christian artists albums.  I needed real and raw and I needed it now.

It is easy to say that I set myself up for a repeat of more of the same each time I turn to the works of the world-bound artist.  I make my own scars a little bit deeper by bathing them in something not centred on God.  This is where realism intersects with my, albeit flawed, faith.  We all need comfort, we all crave for pain to be eased.  I have and always will cry out to God in my pain, not by reciting words contrary to my emotions but by declaring my despair in my own verses reflective of my frame of mind (kind of like Job).  To me, this is what having a ‘real’ relationship with God is about.  I am sure most Christians know too that God doesn’t often deliver us from our suffering then and there as we’d like Him to.  In this sense, my less than godly music isn’t a substitute for God’s intervention.  Rather, it fulfils my need to feel that someone can so vividly relate, through and through.  There is no sweet, delicate lacing common in Christian sounds, the careful-not-to-offend variety.  There is the frankness that I described earlier, and I feel a wordsmith gifted in this way, on my same wave length, helps me get through those times, until this season too does pass.

Nowadays driving in my car is admittedly a less common experience.  As a mature student reasonably new to the college experience, I have filled my trustee mp3 player (the student’s alternative to an ipod?  Perhaps not, I’ve yet to see anyone else on the bus with the same) with songs of my choosing.  Like my thoughts and moods, the music is again divergent; the need to find audio expression that could identify with any given feeling is only a click away.  I can honestly say I would not look forward to my time on the bus if I was to fill that 8GB of acoustic memory with only hymns and songs of praise.  Yet the inter-tangling of God, as is within my mind, is also represented there, and so becomes the third component of my musical tastes.  And I note pointedly that God, though my music player lives permanently on shuffle, will always bring certain God-themed numbers at just the right time.  Dark Horses begins as if a product of the grunge and rock genres, the music itself seems to be tainted with darkness.  But it isn’t as it seems:  it is Switchfoot’s technique of attracting the young, human mind to consider wider themes, the artists are obviously aware of how lost we can sometimes feel in a world that is we have to exist in.  It’s set to identify with the alien feeling that abounds within us as Christians in a lost and fallen world. It doesn’t attempt to submerge us in happy-clappy, un-able-to-relate composites either.  In short, Switchfoot seems to be all about keeping it real. 

Caught up in Yourself  by Third Day is another that seems to visit at the most opportune times.  When I get to thinking that nothing will ever change in certain areas, that the fog will never clear and that life has become about living with the fog rather than achieving clarity, kind of like Paul with his thorn, this number emerges.  And it is about being caught up in what hurts the most, it is about staring disappointment back in the face rather than fooling one’s self into a believe that everything is 100% ok.  If it is all fine and dandy, why are we here trapped on earth, separated from our maker?  In this world, where sin is the bar of separation that keeps us from instant-Godly intervention, we do get caught up in ourselves, and this is “[calling] it like it is”.

I’m sure some readers will believe this prose to be a reflection of not striving for higher things, but rather like holding on to things of this world and then wondering why God didn’t come through.  I think if we are honest though, none of us have internal dialogues that are completely in line with God.  We all have cracks in our faith, we all have clutches that we turn to in hard times, whether it’s turning to comfort food, slandering, escapism or retaliation.  As my need to turn to songs that so aptly resonate with how I internally identify at troubled times rises, so too does the Spirit living in me rise up.  It doesn’t demand to be chosen, it doesn’t demand to take over.  In my trying times, it simply reminds me that it is there listening to me, an effect that music can’t offer.  God must know that in times when break through isn’t instant, it is better to simply be quietly present. 

In the words of Third Day, like the readings from the bible, life is more than just waiting to be in heaven to have any sense of fulfilment. “Life is more than dying, and there’s burning in your soul…”.  The song identifies the human tendency to try for greater purposes, yet such efforts are still an ocean away from perfection (“when you’re so good, but you’ll never be good enough”).  In the end, though not often consciously, I fuse the need for recognition of my feelings that comes with certain (worldly) songs with my dialogue to a higher power, and though this method too is flawed, all anybody can really do is take Third Day’s/the bible’s advice and “thank God for His grace”.

-Wendie